A Little Insider Information

Hello there fellow readers.  I would like to address a few aspects of my life to keep you up to date with my inner thoughts!  Ha-ha, sorry I am so weird!

So, today I woke up at a decent hour, but not as early as I would have liked.  Considering my only "job" is caring for my son and I do not have a responsibility to be somewhere at a certain time...I have managed to wake up when Noah wakes up for the day which often varies.  This morning it was 10:30 AM when I got out of bed to pick up the little one from his crib.  Daddy went off to school and Noah cried as he watched him drive away; it was quite sad.
I then started to pack his bag to go to Nana's for a couple of days so that some cleaning could be accomplished at home.  We have managed to completely clear our living room and kitchen area since the move...and Noah's room is nearly always clean, but our bedroom...wow it is like a hurricane has run through there.  You would have thought that since I am home all the time that I would be able to go through all of the papers and too small clothing, but that has not happened.  I am either completely exhausted from cleaning after Noah all day long or I am playing with him; which leaves the piles sitting there.

When Daddy came home from school we gathered ourselves and hit the road to meet up with Nana.  I know that I have needed this break for a while so that I can get some things done, but the moment came down to take the little monkey out of my arms, I really didn't want to let him go.  The day that a job does come along is going to be such a blessing for us, but so sad because I will miss Noah every single second that I am not with him.

Steven got called into work, so our evening of alone time together didn't get to happen.  The other day I had written some new house rules on the white board (we do this every so often to keep our lives somewhat organized) and so far Steven has not added anything other than what I wrote.  Pretty much it was that I would start running every MWF and doing yoga or meditation on the other days.  Today was the first Monday since the rules were written and it couldn't have been a better day to start the running.
I absolutely love running in the rain and today was the loveliest rainy day!    
I got my blackberry and my headphones to set the running jives and then once I put that sports bra over my other bra (have to have that extra support, sorry guys!) the veins just started pumping.  I walked out the door and one of our neighbors had just pulled into his driveway; I gave him a wave and once I hit the end of the driveway my ran began.  It felt so good and I felt like I was in my old body again.  I wanted to keep running forever, but I decided that since it was the first day on the running I would only do one lap and walk one lap.  I ran the entire neighborhood and waved to everyone who I passed or passed me driving.  I felt like I was actually doing something good for myself.

It was funny earlier today when I stepped into the bathroom.  I usually weigh myself at least once a day if not more...well I hadn't weighed myself in about a week shockingly and today I took the plunge.  I had lost 3 pounds without even doing much of anything different.  We will see what the change in rules does for me.  I am hoping that I stick to them!

Lastly, as for the job we are all waiting on...it will be another 2-3 weeks to get an interview with the Vice President and Director.  Hopefully that will be the last step in the hiring process (considering it has been over a month already).

Hope to get back to you all soon!  Don't forget you can always leave comments on my blog, just click below the post on the comment part and it will let you!  :)  Thanks for reading!

Solicitors

Now that we have moved to a home-owners neighborhood and we are the only couple renting a house on our street.... solicitors seem to show up all the time.  They think we are homeowners and that we have money to put into all of these organizations, but unfortunately we do not.

Well, this morning a solicitor came to our house and rang the doorbell.  I have learned to not answer the door unless it is someone we know!  So I didn't answer and I peeked out the window to see who it was.  It was a man (probably in his 20's...the typical solicitor age) and he was buttoning up his yellow collared shirt.  Then he opened up our screen door to knock and I still didn't answer.  I was watching him through the window and then...oh my...and then...he took his empty water bottle and put it on our porch and left!  HE LITTERED ON OUR PORCH!

Seriously, it is a horrible thing to litter and he had to just do it on our porch.  He is one lucky man that I am such a nice person to not say something to him.  This irked my nerves to the extreme!  Well, as I waited for him to hit the next house I just contemplated on why he would do such a thing...and once he was gone I went to pick up his trash.  I was highly disappointed and am now considering a 'no soliciting' sign for our door!  I always thought those signs were rude, but now I just feel it might be necessary.

A Bit of Fun with my Son

These moments of my son's life are to be cherished and I want to absorb every moment with him that I can. I enjoy his smile as if it were planted inside of my heart.  He is such a sweet boy and he is filled with so much happiness...maybe everyone should look up to a child for inspiration!  I hope you enjoy the video!

Noah's Meal Time Jig

Refer to the previous post about Noah dancing during his meal...this is a small clip as an example to what he does!  It is absolutely adorable because he does it all the time!!!

A Moment

A moment like this can never be taken from a mother.  When their child sees her from a distance and starts running with arms wide open.  It is a moment from a storybook; a true bonding moment where nothing matters except for that person.

The sun shone bright on a troubling day, a day where many people were sad, crying, and disturbed...but a little boy knew that his Mommy was there and that she continually cares about him.  In this moment, a realization occurs for the parent, an epiphany of trust in love.

When, as a friend, parent, sibling, or relative, do you become aware that love is an allegiance between two souls?  The attachment to another person has been a desire in my life in which I used to bombard others with. Yet now, I have my own little being walking around...and when I walk into the same room or space, a split second of pure bliss opens the air to tender devotion.  I will never be perfect and I will not always know what to say, but I will always be here and I will always support every endeavor in his life.

I took a step away from the pain and looked across the big yard to see my son skipping around with his Pop. A breathe of fresh air, I feel, I escape into the world of happiness and take a squat lower to the ground.  Our arms wide spread, open to the touch of love in only a matter of a second.


A sense of purity and satisfaction - I feel his head tucked into my shoulder as his right hand pats the other immediately showing me that everything is okay.  A child can sense the inner emotions when a parent tries ever so hard to keep them a secret.  We know this from the generous love they devote to us in the moments we need it the most.  Even when things get out of hand there is always love and simplicity.  All it takes is a split second to break down the complexity to a simple warming hug.  This moment is when a child nurtures his or her parent rather than vice versa.  A reality of which many of those who are not parents have not experienced.

Difficulties in life arise like a hurricane creating disaster and fiasco, but when you take a step out of the trap - you feel sane.  Nobody can take a moment like this away and to imagine the end of this love is a terrifying experience.  I cannot understand, fathom, or perceive how one can abandon this pure love between a parent and child.  It is disappointing and reckless, but at least now I have created this bond with my son.  I know the feeling and comprehend the experience of love.  I sympathize with those parents who have given up on this attachment because the receiving end is so rewarding.  It is an unmeasurable honor to be a mother of a child who has the ability to show so much love.

Bad Eating Habits Change to Miracle Work

This was when Noah was 7 months old and we were on a vacation in the Hamptons at my Uncle's beach house.  Noah was throwing a fit about eating; this may seem quite normal to many families who have children to see this on occasion.  Well, for my family seeing this has been daily for quite some time.

Noah is 20 months old and loves to eat on the go.  He will eat in the car, his room, running around anywhere...but stopping to eat at a table has been something of some sort of past life.  We would have stages here and there when sitting him in the high chair to eat was a wonderful and happy experience, but those times were more rare than the others.

Today, after just two days of training him, a miracle has occurred.  We were tired of having Noah only eat finger food...he would only eat "meal food" when we went out to eat.  So, for the past two days (going on three today) I have forced him to sit in his booster seat at the kitchen table.  I figured it wasn't going to go smoothly at first and shockingly it went somewhat smooth.  There were a couple of attempts where he was not interested in eating and I just let him go, but overall the experience has been an easy ride.  He has managed to eat organic mickey mouse nuggets, organic sweet potato fries, all natural gold fish, organic whole wheat english muffin with organic butter, and all beef uncurred hot dog since we began this journey.  Sounds like a lot of bad stuff, I know, but the point was that if he was willing to eat all of the finger food...eventually he would move back to meal food again.



So, Steven was paid today and we decided to treat ourselves to lunch at Wood Grill Buffet.  I told Steven before we got out of the car that we were going to leave the high chair out of the picture and let him use a booster to avoid upsetting him from the get go.  (The past couple months he has been refusing high chairs when going out)  The woman walked us to the booth and Noah didn't want to sit down at first...so Steven held the table and ordered our drinks while we went to get Noah's plate.  Noah pointed at the grapes while I was walking with him on my hip to get a plate.  I walked over and laid the plate on the side so I could get the grapes with my left hand while holding Noah on my right hip.  He was enthused out of his mind about the grapes.  Then I got him some chicken and a small bit of macaroni and cheese.  When we were walking back to the table, Noah picked up a grape and popped it into his mouth like an adult would with popcorn.  He grinned and that made Mommy grin.

When we got back to the table the jumped onto the booster seat and just ate away.  He refused that macaroni until everything was gone on his plate except for that.  I had put one noodle onto the fork in hopes that at some point during the lunch he would pick it up and eat it.  HE DID IT!  Noah had known how to use a fork and a spoon for quite a while now, but has been quite stubborn since he was refusing to sit an eat.  Steven was able to get his food in peace and eat...I was able to do the same!  Noah was smiling and eating his food, he would stab each noodle individually with the fork and turn it upside down to eat it.  Of course there was music on in the background and Noah is unable to stop himself from dancing when he hears music; so he would eat a bite and then do a little jiggy with his shoulders and waist.  Steven and I joined in with him from time to time.

I said to Steven about halfway through, "Is a miracle happening?"

His response was, "I'll let you know when it's all done."

Noah's smiles and dancing made us so happy, but what made us even happier was that he remained in his booster the whole time.  He ate all of his food and behaved!  Mommy and Daddy were able to switch off to get a plate of food without him screaming as one of us walked away AND we were able to eat all of our food too!  There wasn't any getting up and walking outside, eating with a toddler/baby on your lap, screaming, or anything.  It was officially declared a miracle.

We got up and Noah followed us to walk out of the restaurant without wandering!  Plus, he got into his car seat with no complaints!  I looked at Steven as I buckled, "So...can we declare this a miracle?"

"Yes, this was a miracle."

Don't Be a Begger

When we were in the process of our move from our crap apartment in Bridgewater to our nice duplex home in Harrisonburg, I had to make a trip to the laundry mat.  I have always despised the places.  People sitting around eating snacks, watching the television, speaking other languages, and staring at you.  I felt completely out of place. I walked in there with my black trash bags full of dirty clothing and then realized I forgot the detergent in the car.  I looked around at all the creepy people and wasn't sure if leaving my laundry was safe.  I had to suck it up and go get the detergent and luckily when I came back my laundry was where I left it.

After waiting around the 25-32 minutes for my loads of laundry to finish in the washer, I walked over to the coin machine to get some more quarters.  I was on a severe budget!  We had to pay double rent for that month along with closing off bills and starting new ones.  I had only a few dollars and had no idea what a laundry mat would cost.  A child bumped into me and nearly knocked the machine over.  The little girl's clothing was way to small for her and she had junk food all over her face.  She was running around playing with another girl and they were speaking different languages.

I moved my laundry to the dryer and after I put it in I just stood there watching it go round and round.  Then, this woman comes up to me and she is wearing faded pink sweatpants, dirty white shoes, and this tank top that I have no idea the color because it was filled with dirt.  I looked at her as she kept her eyes on my feet and said something very softly to me.  It was jumbled and so quiet that I had no idea what she said.  I replied, "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you."  She repeated back to me just in a whisper this time, "Do you have any spare change?"

Oh my gosh, I was so frustrated.  Seriously, coming to the laundry mat to hit people up for an extra quarter.  I blatantly said, "No, I can't help you."  I believe that people should help themselves through situations, there is always someone they can go to or something they can do to fix their situation.  I then went to getting my laundry out of the dryer and folding it.  When I walked out of the building I saw the same ragged woman sitting on the sidewalk with a scroungy man walking towards her.  They then pulled out their zip-lock bags with coins and talked for a few minutes.  McDonald's was directly across the street and that was the direction they headed as I started up my car.

I was completely frustrated with these people.  I was pretty positive it was all an act just so that they can scam people into giving them money.  I think it is wrong and people should work for their money or make friends who can offer a hand or have family help from time to time if absolutely necessary...

     

A Dolphin Massacre

This is an undeniably disturbing hidden manifestation of dolphin genocide. I am torn deeply by the innocent dolphins being murdered in our ocean. What I speak of is the truth driven out by Ric O'Bary with his Oscar winning movie, The Cove. This activism continues with the television series Blood Dolphins. As they thought there was a stray of hope...it was soon found to be solely a delay in the killing. The news teams and public broadcast of the act had delayed the fisherman in Japan from the September frenzy. As Ric O'Bary soon found...this delay was far from an end to the dolphin massacre. They did set free multiple dolphins, but it seems it was just an act to make the public eye go away...when behind the scenes the blood began to emerge. 

We have to do what we can to stop these dolphin captures as they are leading to the killing of those who are unwanted. These Japanese fisherman are calling this tradition and see nothing wrong with it as the slaughter is legal in Japan. Although it is legal, they still hide it to the small area known as, The Cove. I ask that you inform yourself on the subject and put yourself towards the cause. I have added the petition to my blog for you readers who may be urged to sign. Please act upon your feelings. This IS a genocide and it is depressing.

I go to bed wondering why they cannot free the unchosen and ponder how the captured dolphins feel as they deceive us with their natural smiles. The next time you see a captured dolphin, whether it be Seaworld or a more private resort, make eye contact with that dolphin and feel the undeniable connection to see what they really are feeling. Dolphins are intelligent beings and deserved to be saved. To learn more about the cause go to this site: http://www.earthisland.org/

Bedtime Boogie

Isn't is absolutely lovely when our children beg us to watch one last television show before bed? First it was bath time, then teeth, fresh diaper and pajamas...then just before Mommy picks up the wee one...he goes to the TV and begs for it to be turned on...Does the baby get his way? Yes, this evening he did... It was quite the experience! Now, Noah is so funny! He almost tries so hard not to dance when the little tunes come on, he turns his hip to the side, twists his toe, and then BAM! He can't help it anymore; the dancing follows! This video is so adorable of little Noah dancing to his last show before bed. I love it. I had a hard time uploading, so hopefully if you follow this link you can see it. http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=528062801647&ref=mf

Coincidental Timing

When one door closes, another one opens.  A complete cliche, but it works.  As you read in a previous post, I had recently lost my job.  Well, this morning I wake up to the most wonderful voicemail!  I am getting an interview for a job I applied for over a month ago when I was job hunting before!  An executive administrative position!

I am so happy that this opportunity has come along and off my resume goes to a few more places!

My Precious Boys

Now this, for all of you who haven't experienced...is called relaxation!  Enjoying life can be tiring, sit down for a few and take a moment to breathe deep.  If a 19 month old can do it, you can too!  I love this picture of my boys!

I love my baby

These moments are the best in life. I couldn't imagine a better moment than holding my baby in my arms.

There's a voice inside my head sayin' "you'll never make it."

Gotta keep my head held high...

I put this as my theme song because it means so much in my life.  Every day that goes by is difficult; whether you lose a job, have an unexpected pregnancy, argue with a friend or parent, whatever it may be...there is always tomorrow.

My life has become more complicated in the past week due to losing a job, but in another way it has become more flexible and relaxing.  It isn't always easy to remain on the positive side of a situation.  It is all a matter of the mind and how we choose to act.  It is ambition, personality, and poise.  Do you have it?

I know I have struggled in and out of my life, whether I am in touch with my senses or not, somehow I manage to make it back to where I need to be to keep my life in check.  I am a strong person and the people who put me down obviously do not understand what they are missing out on.  My son knew what he was missing when I wasn't home and I could tell the moment I arrived home from a hectic day at work.

I take this as a sign and a blessing.  My job is out there, I just have to search for it and grab it when it comes. I am taking life day by day, but keeping my hopes and dreams for the future.  My fiance told me last night when I was crying, "All that matters is that little boy in that room.  As long as he is happy, you should be happy.  He couldn't ask for anything more and you know that.  Just remember his smile and how happy he is. He runs around this new house like he is the happiest person on this Earth, tell me what could make him happier than to have a Mommy and Daddy that love each other?"

I love my fiance for keeping me in line at my lowest moments.  Right now, I jam to my music, listening to lyrics as if they speak specifically to me.  Now that is some life.  Live it, Love it, and Laugh while your at it!

Quick Update -- More to Come

Hello there readers,

I am terribly sorry that I have not written in so long.  I had to give it up for a while due to schoolwork.  Now, I am an official college graduate with a degree in English.  A part of me is oh so proud and another part is a bit disappointed.  I am in search for a job that requires solely an English degree or a BA in general...but there doesn't seem to be much out there.

I am exploring some other options; I am looking into graduate schools with interest in either a Master's in English or Master's in Education.  I am also looking to see if I could just do the undergraduate education program to earn my teaching license for Virginia.  We shall see if I decide to continue my education further or not.  A benefit would be that my student loans would be deferred a bit longer...who knows what will happen.

As for now, I am working on my book as much as possible and checking out publishing companies that interest me.  I wrote the final chapter!  Now I know how I am finishing the book, but I still have a lot to fill in between!  I hope to put up some pictures and write again soon!

I love feedback, so feel free to comment!!

The Flights to Idaho

Well, the weather was beneficial towards my trip, no snow that complicated the flights!  I was all packed by the day prior to our travels and my mother picked us up from our apartment in Bridgewater.  She lives closer to Dullas airport and it would be more sleep if we could get up later!  We needed to be at the airport by 8:30 AM to make my 10:45 flight.  Which would get Noah and I to Denver by 2pm Eastern Time and 12PM Mountain Time. 
As we arrived at the airport I had to check in to make sure that the airline knew I was going to have a lap child.  I had talked to a United representative the evening before and they notified me that Noah's carseat must be put in a bag to be checked under.  So, I had a large red suitcase, and an awkwardly shaped yellow bag due to the carseat.  We paid $55.00 to have two bags checked under. After we got all the bags checked in my mother parted from Noah and myself so that we could go through security. 
The security check was such a hassle.  We didn't have a problems persae, but it was quite frustrating to take off my coat, side pouch, bookbag, shoes, and so forth.  I had to sit Noah on the table so that I could get everything into one of those gray bins they have on the counter.  Then a man called over to me, "Ma'am, make sure you do not put the child on the table on this side because he will slide off."  As if I would be stupid enough to put my child on the rolling pins that slide my stuff across!  I couldn't believe that comment, I guess he though I was some sort of imbisol.  Anyway, one of the women security guards helped me gather my stuff and bring it all over to a bench.  After getting Noah's shoes back on and all the millions of other little things together, I was about to walk off and realized that I had managed to lose Noah's birth certificate in this hectic process.  In my mind I had started flipping out, but I didn't make any large commotion about it.  I looked behind me suspecting that it had fallen somewhere in the process of the security line, but then soon realized it was on the floor underneath the bench infront of me.  I was quite relieved.

Once we rode the ground transportation to our gate (which Noah enjoyed the new train they have) we walked into hectic city.  People running around crazy trying to make their flights and such.  I walked up to the service counter, completely out of breath from walking with a backpack, a backpack on Noah, Noah himself, and a portable DVD player in my "spare" hand.  I wanted to make sure that we were all checked in and had good seats that were appropriate for a baby.  I figured that an isle seat would be best because it would give me the easiest way to the restroom if I needed to change his diaper or anything of that manner, but the woman took my isle seat away and told me window seats are better.  "We cannot afford to have children running up and down the isles when the flight attendants are trying to do their job." Is what this lovely customer representative said to me.  So, a window seat we got, but fortunetaly it had an empty seat beside it with a woman in the isle seat. 
When we got onto the plane I was so frustrated, I was nervous about the plane ride to come (considering it was a 3 1/2 hour one).  I tried everything to keep Noah occupied, but for some reason while on a plane he only enjoys his toys for a matter of a few seconds.  I pulled out the portable DVD player and turned it on...guess what...it malfunctioned.  So, Noah was happy for a matter of a second when he got to see the menu of his Baby Einstein DVD...but I couldn't get it to play for him.  I was very upset that I couldn't get it to work.  The woman next to us was very understanding, she said she had two of her own that were 12 months apart.  Once she ordered food, Noah was all over her, I felt awful.  He kept grabbing her sandwich and her glasses.  It is so difficult to keep a child entertained at 14 months on a plane when your portable DVD player has faulted.  So, I moved to the middle seat to contain him to the window seat.  Towards the end of this long trecherous flight, Noah fell asleep.  Thank goodness!  Of course, it was only for the last half hour unfortunetaly. 
Once we arrived at the Denver airport I had to go up to the board and find out which gate our next flight was going to be in...of course...it was all the way clear across the airport.  I stopped at the one and only place that had a high chair and got Noah and myself a hotdog with fries.  I didn't really eat any of it, but Noah must have been starving.  I realized how complicated it was to travel with an infant everyone loves because you tend to get a million text messages per second..."are you there yet?" "how was Noah on the flight?" "how's Noah handling it?" "how long until your next flight..."
After we ate lunch we headed to our gate.  I was sweating profusely and practically gasping for air.  I was frustrated to see many people walking around with their children in strollers...little did I know, you can take a stroller at no extra cost for your convenience!  Why couldn't I have know this information before?  It would have been so much easier!  (But...at least now I know).  By the time we made it to the gate after the two hour layover was nearly over (we had taken about an hour to eat and go potty...and about an hour to get to the gate across the airport).  I knew this flight was shorter and also had a smaller plane...but I had no idea quite how small the United Express airplane was going to be.  We were all the way in the back of the plane, again with a window seat, and completely squished.  Noah, gratefully, was exhausted and wound up falling asleep upon departure and waking up directly upon landing.  It was an aboslutely wonderful flight!  Once we arrived in Boise's small airport it was just a hop, skip, and a step away to baggage and our dear cousins we came to visit.

Preparing for a Trip

Well, some of you readers may know and others may not, but Noah and I are about to take a trip to Idaho to visit a cousin.  This particular cousin happens to be my ultimate best friend in life and is my second cousin...which makes her Noah's third cousin.  It may seem distant but she is the closest person I have that relates to everything in my life.  Anyway, she is on the verge of giving birth to her baby girl, Serenity Addison Grover.  I am thoroughly excited to be visiting this coming weekend, which was originally going to be a surprise for Megan (my cousin).  Her fiance and other family members have planned her baby shower for this weekend and called me up saying, "if we can fly you and Noah out, can you come?"  Well, of course, who says "no" to that!?

So, I am heading to Idaho on Thursday morning and returning on Monday afternoon.  I get to spend a weekend there and gratefully can get away from all this white snowing lying around my small town.  Although I am truly thrilled to be going on this trip, I am scared out of my mind to be taking Noah on his first plane ride at the age of 13.5 months.  There are so many questions I have and preventative items that I want to obtain to make sure he is happy while on a plane!  I do not want to disturb other passengers, so I am thinking an isle seat would be best so that he can play within the isle and have more room to move around to keep entertained.  Then I am thinking about toys...well no noisy ones of course!  Food...what are we allowed to bring in the carry on these days?  It is questionable!

Anyway, my point of this post is to explain that I am very nervous about taking Noah on a full day of traveling starting at about 6 AM.  It takes about an 2 hours to get to the airport, and you have to arrive two hours before departure, then we have a connecting flight with a 2 hour layover...and we will not arrive in Idaho until approx. 4 PM.  So, thus, we have a very long day of traveling and Mommy is very worried about how cranky dear little Noah will become.  Steven and I bought Noah a "first plane trip present," it is one of those neck pillows and of course...it has a monkey on it :)  We also got him a  new blanket with a monkey on it, so hopefully those little comforts will help to keep him at ease.  I am hoping that it is possible to get him to take a little nap at some point on this trip.

Wish me luck.  Please comment if you have any tips or ideas for me!  

The New Approach

As I am grasping the idea of family management, I realize that changes are necessary.  I am currently reading "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families," which has inserted different perspective and ideas into my noggin.  The other evening while I was lying in bed reading, I came to the conclusion that I needed to be a proactive person with family management - I need to be the one to make the foundation to begin our life in better ways.  So, I got out of bed, grabbed the large white-board from the kitchen with a black dry-erase marker.  I started to write down some things that I want my family to work on:

1. Think "we" not "me."

2. Set aside one hour a week to discuss what is going on during the week.

3. Noah only eats in highchair.

4. Limit Noah to 6 ounces of juice a day (up to 3 cups with 2 ounces of juice and 4 ounces of water).

5. Limit Noah between 18-24 ounces of milk a day (goal = 18).

6. Exercise when the time allows it.

7. Listen to the person speaking and respond after they are done.

8. Act out of love - show passion.

9. Think before you act - do not act with a first reaction (example:  if something shocking comes up, wait an hour to respond).

10.  Remember to love one another and treat everyone with respect.

These are the items that wound up being on the list the first time around - so far the list has made some big improvements in our relationship as a family.  Some of them are rules and some are guidelines/goals to follow.  It has helped Steven and I communicate as parents about what is good for our son.  Along with, ut has helped us as a couple to communicate our feelings. 

We have decided that each week the white-board would change and we would both put what we think needs to be worked on, on it.  It has been great so far and I believe it will continue to be great in the future.

Cohabitation and Family

We as people may not always realize that there are changes to be made; whether we are labeled as a "good" human being or a "bad" one.  We are dependent on ourselves and others; we coexist.  Coexistence, along with, cohabitation.  In todays society we have come to the point where couples of both same-sex and opposite sex cohabitate without being married. 
In my circumstances, I am cohabitating with my fiance/father of my child -- this is considered normal in many cases and objectified in others.  To me it does not matter what others may think of it; I have created a family that started with a sexual relation.  Relationships can start with just a few months of time and turn out to be grand, people just have to accept that.  When people cohabitate, whether with a child or not, they are going to have problems, complications, and disagreements...it is NORMAL.  Choose to admit it or not, your choice, but I have decided to admit it.  We squeeze ourselves into tight spaces and closed walls with the people we love because we love them.  To clarify - example - Steven and I moved in together because we love each other and we were beginning a family together, we chose to take the hard route of living together because we love each other and want to be a family. 
Families work through things:  difficult, demanding, untroubled, and undisturbed.  Whatever the situation may hold, a family works through it. 

A Little Mishap

Noah has reached the "take your diaper off" stage...you know, the one where they feel like if they can take it off they rule the world?  Well, Noah has taken his diaper off quite a few times now, but on each occasion we have never had something go wrong.  No poop on the walls or urine in places, we have fortunately lucked out in grand amounts so far.
Well, the little incident that this post is going to describe dealt with a little bit of a bowl movement, but doesn't deal with removal of a diaper.  Interesting enough I still had to tell you that Noah is reaching that stage, but with this particular incident he had his diaper on.  We do not know how it happened but we do know it was a mess...luckily a mess that only stuck to the sheets and Noah himself.
After a long morning at the grocery store trying to stock up on things and make sure we have enough milk just in case we wind up being cooped up inside for a couple of days due to the blizzard, we came home and put Noah down for a nap to continue the one he had started five minutes before we arrived back home.  Well, when Steven and I decide to check on Noah about 45 minutes later, he is awake and his room smells awful!  We thought maybe it was the dirty diapers in the trashcan and with the door closed it caused an odor...we were wrong!
Noah had on a onesie and a long sleeve shirt on top of it (we had taken his socks and pants off when we put him down).  Now, when we went in the room Noah was awake (thus the reason we checked on him) and we were about to get him a bottle...when we realized the odor derived from the diaper on Noah.  I go to pick Noah up and realize there is a little bit of "poo" on his hands...and then a little on the sheet....and then about half an inch caked onto his foot...it was terrible!  So, it was declared "bath time."  Steven started the bath up and Noah went directly in...where we filled the tub, then emptied it to remove the feces, then filled it back up so he could then play in the tub.  Now, the question is...how did this happen when Noah had his diaper on???  No theories as of yet...maybe he decided to take a peek after he took his movement or maybe he was in a position where the diaper opened on the side...we have no idea...but the problem is all taken care of now.  New sheets, new clothes, and a much nicer smelling room!
We really lucked out this time...I hope there is no next time or if there is...we are just as lucky!

Finally, I will tell you my dream...

Okay, for those of you who have been following me all along, you may remember that I kept you going with the idea of my telling you about my dream as a child.  Well, I think it is about time that I told you about that dream!
When I was growing up sleep was my utopia, everything was perfect.  My dreams were ongoing and every night I would pick up wherever the time before had left off (other than the occasional nightmares that would occur).  So, the main dream I had as a child that continued was myself as a mother.  I had a doll, he had a soft body with hard limbs and a hard head.  I called him Mikey, he was the most dear thing to me growing up.  Well, my little Mikey doll was a real baby boy in my dreams.  I was his mother and took care of him, even though I was at a young age.  I had bunk-beds in my room growing up and in my dream they transformed to a very unique bedding system for a mother and child.  I lived on the top bunk and there was a square release whole in the middle so when my child needed tending I would slide down the middle.  The outsides were boarded off, so from the bed all you could see were wood walls surrounding you.  In a way it created very close courters, but it was what kept privacy between my family of two and the rest of the people in the house.  In my dream I had a doorbell on the outside of my bedroom door and a mailbox, so it was like an efficiency room in a way.  It was so amazing how my tiny room became a home to me and Mikey in my dream.  I was such a good mother to him too.  Anyway, every night the dreams would continue and I was a young mother tending to my son in whatever ways needed...Now...you might ask, "where does this come into play now?"
This dream comes into play now because...Noah is my Mikey doll.  A while back I was holding Noah in my arms while he was sleeping and what did I see???  My Mikey doll:  Noah looked exactly like my Mikey did growing up and it was so amazing to realize that I was holding my true dream in my arms.  I couldn't imagine a better feeling than the epiphany of holding the identical child that you dreamt of your whole life, with the only exception being...the difference in the name.
Thus, the point in this story, is that Noah is my dream child, and I dreamt of him when I was just 5 years old, and I continued to dream of him throughout my entire childhood...it is truly amazing when dreams DO come true.  I didn't think I would ever be facinated with such a concept and when I found out I was pregnant or even had Noah in fact, I did not realize this.  I realized it that one night I was holding him in my arms and he was sleeping.  It was IDENTICAL to my dream as a child and Noah is Mikey, I am so glad that I finally got to meet him and I found out that my dreams as a child did mean something.

Haircut

Noah got his hair cut back in December for the first time...well trimmed really.  We did it on the same day he had gotten his first encounter with Santa Claus.  It was quite an eventful day.  So, Noah's hair has started to grow very quickly, as the other day I noticed that it was all the way down to his eyebrows again.  As I noted my previous post about the birth mark, I like to see it...so I decided to try and give Noah a haircut from home.  MISTAKE noted:  Mothers should not give their child a haircut while home alone.  I tried to give Noah his trim while he was taking a bath, but please note that a child at the age of 13 months will not keep their head still for anything.  So, as my fiance said to me, "please never give him a haircut without me here to help you."  Thus, by this statement, you have probably realized that I surely did mess up Noah's hair.  Unfortunately Noah sort of looks like he has a bowl cut from the front because I managed to cut his front bangs all the way to the top of his forehead...and then I didn't know how to blend the other hair...so needless to say, Noah now has a horrible haircut, but...it WILL GROW BACK!  So, I apologize to those of you who do not like his current haircut, but it was the cheap route to seeing his whole face again :)  Yay! 

Freckles and Traits

Freckles...Noah has 4 that we have found!  I always wondered why babies are not born with freckles and everything of that sort...but now they are starting to come in.  Freckles are a reaction to sun exposure...funny thing is that these four have all of a sudden showed up, yet Noah has been cooped inside due to the cold winter.  Interesting as they do show up though, the reason I noticed was because I was drying him off after a bath.  He has two on the inside of his right arm in the middle (the elbow area, just on the inner side); one on the "wenus" area of his left thumb; and lastly one on the center area of his back!  Funny how I all of a sudden noticed FOUR of them out of nowhere. I have always loved freckles, both Steven and I have them and I am so excited that Noah is starting to get some.
Another trait that Noah has is these "red dots" that I have, which I inherited from my father.  They are much like freckles, except they are red.  In particular I have a very large one on the tip of my nose.  Many times people mention that I have barbecue or pen on my nose.  I always have to ask if they are talking about my "red dot"  If so...it is just there, nothing I can do about it.  Anyway, Noah has a red dot on his nose also!  Two in fact:  one is on the side in the crease and the other is on the tip like mine, but his is very small and faint.  Speaking of traits...Noah has the same birth mark that I do.  Along with my father and younger brother.  We all inherited a red splotch that covers our whole head and over time has decreased in redness.  Although, both Noah and myself have the red splotch directly on our forehead.  Mine has faded almost entirely, but when I am upset it is very well noted.  Noah's is still bright enough that people ask if he hit his head or if it is a birth mark.  Honestly, I am just so proud that he inherited my birth mark, it is so rare and I absolutely love it!

Sippy Cups, Toothbrushes, and Small Talk about Organics

Noah has been using a sippy cup since he was 6 months old.  I didn't want my son to be attached to a bottle like the many children I see at two and three still holding a bottle.  Thus, I started him early on a transitional sippy cup.  I used this cup (Gerber NUK brand).  The nipple is shaped like a sippy cup, but it still has the soft nipple feel of a bottle, which allowed us to start him on a sippy cup at the age of 6 months.  Well, Noah is now 13 months old and I want him to transition to a different  cup, which so far has gone really well!

This is the sippy cup we started him on:

Now, my mother was teaching an American Red Cross baby-sitting course and I stopped by for a visit.  While stopping by I noticed a whole bunch of sippy cups on the counter and started looking at the numerous different kinds that there are.  In the store this is difficult because they do not have a sample cup shelf where you can open and feel the tops as I was able to do in this particular situation.  Thus, while I was  being a touch-a-holic to the cups, I realized that Gerber has another sippy cup with a soft spout, but it is not a nipple and it is not anything like a bottle.  So, this will still allow Noah's teeth and gums to have a semi-soft spout to use for drinking.  I got the cups yesterday and so far he has used them perfectly!  Now, he still goes to sleep with milk every night, so I am in the process of trying to wean him out of that habit, so for now I will keep using the NUK for the bed.  But, overall I am very pleased with Noah's easy switch to a normal sippy cup!  He has done really well.  I also got him some regular children's cups so that he can have sips out of them too.  He likes to have them empty and pretend there is a drink in there!  He chomps his mouth and smiles as if the "drink" tastes good!  Below is a picture of the sippy cup he is now using and a picture of the regular kid cup that he gets to use on occasion also:

And of course, if you didn't notice...there is a monkey theme to his cups!  I also bought him a monkey bowl, flat plate, and divided plate.  So, now we can start with toddler-hood!  He is still eating 90% jarred organic baby food that is pre-made, but when I went to the grocery store today I bought organic foods with intentions of sharing with Noah.  I recently have started him on some meats, he has had chicken and meatloaf, which he enjoyed both.  I am trying to turn my kitchen in to an organic kitchen and make everything as healthy as possible.  If you are a mom and do not have time to exercise, the only thing you can do is eat right.  Tonight I made Organic burgers with organic sesame seed, organic bread crumbs, organic beef, organic american cheese and organic paprika; it was a wonderful combination!  You can really taste the difference with organic foods and it makes you feel so much healthier!  Anyway, I plan to start cooking and letting Noah try a little bit of organic table food here and there along with his jarred baby food.

The last new thing of the day...would be....brushing his teeth.  Until now I have used a little finger brush for Noah's gums and teeth, now he has his own little tooth brush that is made for babies 4-24 months old and swallow-able toothpaste with no fluoride.  So, when brushing Noah's teeth today his mouth kept opening to allow me to brush and he would chomp down with the new item :)  I sang the ABC's over and over until his little baby mouth was clean!  Yippee Noah is growing up...but I am sad because I am not ready for him to grow up!

Blowing Kisses

Okay, so we are hitting a new stage for Noah!  We were talking on the webcam with Nana B and she asked Noah to blow her a kiss.  He had never done this before, so I was showing him how and Nana B was doing it also...and then....NOAH BLEW HIS FIRST KISS!  I was ecstatic, thrilled, and proud!  I have now gotten Noah to blow a kiss a couple of times since!  Though the most adorable part is he makes the "muah" sound!  Gosh this is adorable!  I will try and get a picture or a video of him doing it!

Noah has a Girlfriend

Alright everyone, this relationship is developing...not sure how it will turn out! Noah has had a couple of play dates with my friends daughter, Olivia. She is four months older than Noah and shares her birthday with me, August 29! The first time we got the two of them together they kissed, on the lips, without us even doing anything! It happened all on its own, it is funny how little boys and girls are. Now, the other day we got them together again at a birthday party...well this is where we got to see both sides of a relationship...good...and bad! They kissed a second time, adorable...but the majority of the time was little Olivia telling Noah that she owned the toys in the room and if she wanted to play with them she was going to! Poor Noah cried numerous times at the party because she would either pull on his shirt when he was walking away or she would scream until she got hold of the toy! Thus, a typical relationship at the age of one, a little bickering and a little love!

What a Happy Baby

Photo Tinks by WiddlyTinks.com I took this photograph when Noah was walking towards me. He absolutely loves walking and when he feels really proud of himself he giggles! It is so precious and adorable!

Love is Essential

A baby deserves to know how much you love them every millisecond of the day!  I choose to show Noah that I love him by kissing and squeezing him as much as I can multiple times!  A baby is so precious and needs to know how much his or her parents love them!

Two Items Noah has Passion for: Balls and Wheels

Noah seems to have an obsession or passion truly with the these two items:  balls and wheels.  Two of which can become highly problematic in the following situations (which by the way are absolutely adorable):

First we will discuss the ball situation...Noah has always loved balls, any size, any color, any kind -- as long as it is round, bounces, and makes noise when he pats on it.  Well, as of recent, Noah has enjoyed using different items as his personal homemade basketball hoop.  He absolutely just loves to "slam dunk" his ball into his homemade hoop.  First time this occurred Noah was in his Safety First bath seat:

This allows him to sit in the big bath tub and play safely...or so you would think right???  Well, Noah took a literal dive out of it!  He used a shimmy motion and managed to swoop his body over that front ledge and face first into the water.  He was not upset when he came back up, but rather went straight for the little yellow ball in the tub, stood up, and shot it directly into the safety seat.  Then he continued to do it over and over again!  It is amazing what babies will do to strategically figure out what they want!  Now, you may think my story is told...but I am not done yet!
A moment ago I mentioned that Noah likes to use different items as his homemade basketball hoops...well, the next item I would like to share with you is...the toilet!  Yes, as gross as it may seem, it is a new adventure for a baby!  So, a different day, Noah started to walk down the hallway with his little yellow ball, and it just so happened that the toilet seat, at the end of the hallway, happened to be up.  Little curious Noah walked straight up to it and took his slam dunk shot right into the toilet bowl...then tried to dig the ball out as I was explaining to him that a potty is not a play toy!  Steven and I just looked at each other and laughed; it truly is funny to watch your child do silly things!

Now...we must talk about the wheels also!  Noah has always been obsessed with them, he just knows that they move things and spin round and round, so of course they are just the most fascinating invention!  Well, now that Noah has started walking, he doesn't enjoy sitting in the grocery cart anymore.  He tends to lean over the front watching the wheels and reaching for them.  So, one day, Steven and I let him out of the cart, and then quickly realized that all Noah wanted was to push the cart himself by walking it through the store, while watching the wheels go round and round.  I am sure that he felt so strong pushing something ten times his size!  It truly is adorable letting him push the cart, but it does slow down the shopping process!

Go Bananas, Go Go Bananas

Noah seems to love to eat a banana and finish it off with the peel.  Don't you worry, it is okay to eat!  Just as long as they are washed.  Now, if he wasn't an organic baby, I would never give it to him.  Think of all of those chemicals on the peel, awful!  But, since it is organic and washed, it is a very good source of calcium!  I would never do it myself, but Noah LOVES it!

The Doctor's Office

For all of you parents out there, I am sure that you know the consequences of taking your child to get shots.  It is a tough thing to watch and even harder to hold them down for it.  As you already know, Noah's shots got cancelled the other day and he wound up having an appointment yesterday.

The doctor gave the official go ahead to leave behind the formula and start the milk.  We now have organic whole milk for Noah!  He is growing up so quickly.  Also, the doctor recommended to create "white noise" in Noah's room to help him take naps.  Although, Noah does sleep a substantial amount in the evening, it is still good for a child to sleep for a little during the day also.  We talked about the schedule for making up Noah's missed shots and have agreed to follow the normal schedule and increments until he is fully caught up...which may take a while, but it will get done.  Better late then never!

I was in shock when the nurse weighed Noah, he is 25.6 lbs!!!!  Last time we went he was only 22 lbs and his length was 29 (the same as last time).  So, I obviously started worrying about it, so that was my first question to the doctor, "Is his weight okay, because he gained quite a few pounds in two months?"  The doctor assured me that Noah was following his percentiles perfectly and he is doing great (75th and 80th percentiles).  When the doctor was feeling Noah's stomach I asked, "Is it normal for a baby to look like they are pregnant?"  He laughed at me and told me that Noah's stomach is just fine and that he is just a big boy.

While he was trying to listen to Noah's heart, of course our little baby boy was squirming around and trying to get away.  He acted as if someone was trying to kill him with the little metal piece.  His face was CLASSIC fear.  It was so cute and so sad at the same time.  Anyway, the doctor wound up distracting him with the little light that looks in your ear, eyes, and mouth.  Thus, once he got a good listen, he informed Steven and I that Noah has a very slight murmur.  I asked him what that meant and he told me not to worry because it is very normal for babies to have.  He says that usually it will go away, but it is just something he needs to keep an ear out for every time he comes to the doctor.  The doctor explained that it in your heart the blood flows in all one direction and when it makes a sound it is a murmur.

The following is what the dictionary states:

Also called heart murmur. Medicine/Medical. a. an abnormal sound heard on listening to the heart, usually through a stethoscope, produced by the blood passing through deformed cardiac valves. b. in some persons a similar sound heard when blood passes through normal valves.

 Okay, so the doctor says we should not worry terribly about it because it is normal.  Steven had one while he was a baby also and it went away.

Anyway, then it came time for shots...Noah remembered the doctor's office.  The first sign that he gave me was as soon as we walked in the room he started screaming.  The second sign, was every time a nurse came in he would also start screaming.  So, do not think your baby doesn't remember, because they do!  The nurse asked me if I wanted to do the shots in one leg or two, we decided one because it would be easiest for holding him down and keeping him still.  After the shots were in of course it was awful.  Noah was scared out of his mind and in so much pain, but we had to wait for the band-aid to be put on before one of us picked him up.

After the shots were over and we were on the verge of checking out, the nurse informs us that Noah needed blood-work too.  Nowadays they check babies for lead and blood count, so we had to wait a while for the technicians to come and take some of Noah's blood.  He was calm for a while playing on the floor, but as soon as he heard that knock, he scrambled to us and started crying.  It is terrible having to hold down a child for these things, it is just the worst, and then seeing them cry and in so much fear, terrible!  So, after we got out of the office Noah stopped crying, he was happy to begin his trip back home.  Two minutes after the car was on the road, he was passed out happily in his car-seat, making little peeps in his dreams.

Only two more months until the next visit...we shall see what happens!

Noah Climbing on the Couch

Noah climbed up onto the couch and then all the way to the top rim!  He is such an adventurous child!

Some Clarification for those Who are Concerned

I put up emotions that I feel and very often feel.  I know that some are normal and some may not need to be said to the general population of the internet, but the point of my blog is to write the experiences as I have them with no sugar coating.  My book will be the same way, I do not portray people in a good light just so that people can like them and same with putting them in a bad light (I do not do it for people to dislike them).  The point of my memoir is to write it how it happened and I do know that people may become offended while reading, but this is how we become individuals.  We experience things and we learn from them, Steven and I are both learning and considering we were forced into living with each other while having a child (it is what we thought was best) has been very difficult in our circumstances.  Steven and I barely knew each other before I got pregnant and that is how it is, so our relationship has complications, just as every relationship does, and I do not plan to sugar coat my situation to the world.  I do understand that Steven has feelings and that he may or may not become offended by things I say, but we do love each other and at the root of the hardest time that is what comes into play.  

So Far, So Good

Well, today is perhaps the best day of the past week...or I guess I should state the best day beginning this week!  
I got up and called Social Services to make sure it was okay to still turn in my interum paperwork and it still be accepted...YES was the answer!  So, that was off my back!  I went back to bed and made a statement of wearing sweatpants to school so that there was no need to get up early.  Then we got out of class early (always nice) and now I am at home with my baby Noah.


Steven has run out to do my errands, of which I had planned to do myself, but he offered!  What a sweet man I have here!  Last night he brought me a mushroom and pepperoni pizza along with some cheesy bread sticks!  I am so thrilled that it is only 1pm and my all the rest of my day requires is to read 20 pages for my homework and play with my son!  I am so excited.  This is probably the best day I have had in a while.  No stress about cleaning for people coming over, no stress about not having time for  homework, no stress about any of that!  It is completely amazing!  Noah is watching Ice Age III Return of the Dinosaurs (his favorite), he seems to lose his hearing when this movie is on.  


Well, I am going to relax for now and I suppose I will make another post in a couple of hours! 

Doctor Office Mix-ups

Today I got up early to go to class, Noah had a nurse's appointment for his next round of immunizations...well, of course, there is always some sort of complication when one is trying to get stuff done.  So, my fiance takes Noah to the doctors office and once they are called back they ask him, "Do you know what shots he is getting?"  Well, actually the answer there would be "no."  Noah has been behind on his immunizations and now we are getting him all caught up...well here is where the complication came in:  Noah is now 12 months old, which leads to the matter of different immunizations being more of a priority than others.  So, the nurse says to Steven that he should come back later in the week to speak with the Doctor about which immunizations he should get next rather than staying in a particular order.  Which is completely fine, but the idea of waking Noah up to get to the appointment, dragging him around like a doll...just doesn't fit into my correlation of moral standards.


Anyway, enough said...Noah has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday now to discuss his shot schedule and such.  Wish us better luck for that appointment!

Poem by Dorothy Law Nolte

I came across this poem, and I feel it is appropriate to post!  This goes great with my judgment post.  


If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with pity,
he learns to feel sorry for himself.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy,
he learns what envy is.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to be appreciative.
If a child lives with acceptance,
he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with recognition,
he learns that it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with sharing,
he learns about generosity.
If a child lives with honesty and fairness,
he learns what truth and justice are.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness,
he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.
If you live with serenity,
your child will live with peace of mind.

With what is your child living?

- Dorothy Law Nolte

Judgement

Okay, I have gotten some feedback on the blog and so far so good.  I hope everyone understands that this is for one a release of tension for me and also it is to keep reminders of things I need or want to include in my memoir. The frustrations of daily tribulations occur, whether people want to voice them or not...I am choosing to voice them.  It is important to portray life the way it actually is rather than avoid the truth and pretend that life is perfect, and in a way, life is perfect because we learn from things on a continuous basis; whether that is death, mistakes, or love.  It all happens for a reason, whether that reason is some sort of higher being...I am unsure, nothing is definite.  I believe in science and in a higher being, but there is no need to judge someone's personal beliefs.  You live your life the way you want to and others can live their lives the way they want to.


Life is full of desire, want, and need; but sometimes we cannot have any of those things.  When I met Steven, I had a desire to be loved and wanted to feel loved, but my need (I have realized after the fact) was to work on myself as an individual.


One of my readers told me how she felt while pregnant in her twenties and she said, "The fact that we waited until after high school and were more mature, even if getting pregnant wasn't the plan.  I had people give me dirty looks when I was pregnant, I guess I looked younger than what I was, but they disrespect you.  Then there are the older people who ask questions and are sincerely friendly to you.  It was all just quite difficult to take in."  It is important to look at things like this because sometimes we do not realize that our looks and stares effect other individuals.


I remember walking around in stores, and to this day I still get this:  Say, I am walking around and Noah is a little bit cranky and then some woman says, "I think it is time for somebody's nap!" yelling, but not only yelling, she looked at me with this stern disappointment.  As if I was a young mother not knowing how to take care of a child.  It was so frustrating and not to be narcissistic, but I know for a fact that I am a far better Mother than a lot of people are. I know that I am the best Mother for my child and other people do not need to tell me how to raise my son.  There was another time, recently, I was in a store (and Noah is very shy with people he doesn't know) and this older man comes walking towards us from literally across the store.  Noah throws his head sideways trying to get away from the man getting closer to him and the man says, "Aww, looks like someone is tired."  The fact was, Noah wasn't tired, he was scared to death that some strange man was in his face.  When a baby sees a stranger and they are in someone's arms they burrow their head into them, when a baby is in a shopping cart, they try to do the same things, but people perceive that as 'a baby needs a nap.'


Now, there have been instances where I cast my judgment upon young mothers.  I was in Wal-Mart when Noah was about seven months old.  There was a very young couple (probably still in high school) and they had a baby boy (who was too young to hold his head up).  They had their baby sitting directly in the metal cart where older children usually sit (they were not using a baby seat).  The poor little baby's head was banging on the metal while he was slouched backward in the seat.  I felt awful for the baby, I couldn't imagine myself ever doing that to a child.  So, there, I allow judgment to take place on my behalf too, but I do not vocalize my frustrations, and I didn't look at them with hostility.


To judge and leave it behind is one matter.  To judge and vocalize it in the immediate stance to a stranger is an  abomination.


I will probably touch base on this more later, but for now, I must go to school and work on homework.

My Fearless Endeavor

Consequently after having sexual relations with no intended protection, one may wind up "expecting" when not expected!  Now, you may realize my unsubstantial amount of worry during the process of making my child, but in fact I did get pregnant.  These things happen more and more whether the human society would like to admit it or not.  I am normal or maybe that would just be a statistic because I really do not feel subjective to the norms.


I am accustomed to living my life in a way that from I see the majority of society doesn't do.
Although there are a percentage of statistics stating I am inferior to the populations domestic living.  I rationalize about my life on a daily basis, recognizing that I am a student mother.  Now, here is something to ponder about:  I took a creative writing course last semester, in which I started the journey on my memoir.  Okay, so in my memoir, page 21, as of now I say,


"After what seemed like an hour, they called my name.  I looked at Steven and he encouraged me to step up so that they knew I was present.  We walked back, and he held my hand.  I was shaking.  I am so scared.  I don’t like it when people judge me and these stupid people just think I am some teen mom, but actually I am a college student!  I am a competent adult not a teenager with the knowledge of an inchworm.  I can handle this situation.  Why does everyone have to think that I am some incompetent miscreant?"


Now, remember that I stated I began this journey in my creative writing course.  So, I would write and then bring it to class for people to review, critique, and give suggestions...and this girl in my class says, "I do not really see a difference between a teen mom and a college mom.  They are both in school, so it is the same situation."  Well, my dear little friend, it is not the same thing!  I will defend that statement until I die!  I didn't have a baby while I was in my teenage years, I didn't have a baby while I was in high school.  I graduated high school and I had my baby when I was twenty years old.  There is a substantial difference between the two, I am an adult, a teen mom is still a child herself.  Does any one out there agree with me on this?


Yes, I will admit, I am a young mother, but I am not by any means a teenage mother. 
Anyway, the idea of my memoir is to get across the point that people can have a child and still live their life.  It is not an easy endeavor, but I was confident in my choice to have my child and I am the happiest I have ever been.  My pride and joy lays in the core of motherhood, my child.
My fearless endeavor can be attributed to two ideas:  my choice of pro-life AND my choice to write this memoir.

Remember, this memoir is not to be a pretty portrayal of having a child in college.  It is to show the struggles that I have encountered and learned how to push through.  Which means, I am not portraying people in the best or worst lights favorably.  I am simply telling the truth, what lies between the core of what people don't get to see on the outside.  Parenthood is not easy, there are rough days (like my previous post about yesterday) and nice days (like today).

Good Day

This morning has started off well!  My fiance and I ended our evening on good terms last night...and so far today is going pretty well.  We are all awake and functioning properly today, thank goodness.  I thought I was going to lose my mind yesterday due to it!  Noah is tugging on my leg trying to see what I am doing, as he does every time I am sitting  at the computer.  He is so curious, just as any baby is I suppose.  Also, playing with the blinds and curtains seems to be a favorite for him.  He enjoys hiding behind the curtain and me tickling him through it; he just giggles so much!  


Digital Scrapbooking Photo Tinks by WiddlyTinks.com
You just have to love the moments you have with your children.  Not that it is some sort of requirement, but it is just so natural.  The love bond between a child and their mother is absolutely fascinating.  I know that it is said that a person who says, "I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I love my first," but I am saying that right now.  Of course I am not planning another child right now, but just looking down the road...I am not sure...part of me would like to have another child, but Noah has been my savior and companion.  There were so many things in my past that were going wrong and now all I have to do is look at him and I feel amazing.  I feel important and valuable; every single action and decision I make is influential to my son.  I guess part of me had always imagined that I would eventually reach this love in my life because of the dream I had always had as a child, it was continuous and lovely.  And it all started with a doll.  This is the dream that I have been promising to tell you about...but I am going to make you keep waiting!  Possibly later in the day I will tell you!