Motherhood and Sense of Self

The other day I was at work (I’m a nanny) and when the little one was ready to be put down for a nap…I decided it was time to relax a little and watch a movie.  As I was looking through the movie channels, I came across “Motherhood” starring Uma Thurman.  Obviously, I chose to watch this, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing about it.  I was having a bit of an “off” day as some would say and this movie was just the thing to make me feel better.  I didn’t know what to expect of it, but I knew that Uma Thurman is an actor I enjoy.  I personally feel that this movie is the perfect depiction of the relationship of a mother to herself and how stressful life can become as a parent.  You tend to lose a sense of self and trying to grasp who you were before seems to never become a possibility.  I felt a relationship form with the character and myself when I realized she was a writer and a mother.

I have been experiencing the difficulty of feeling a self of myself as it seems much of who I was before has faded away.  I have attempted to continue my writing, but often times I am either too exhausted or just cannot concentrate.  I started writing my book in August of 2009 and still have not finished.  I know that writing a book takes time, but I feel as if I should have been done by now.  I have a solid beginning and have written the last chapter, but now it is about time to fill in the middle.  It becomes quite difficult to continue writing when you have two children on your hands.  I only have one child of my own, but I take him to work with me.  This is beneficial because I do not have to pay for childcare myself and I get to spend time with my little boy…but often times it becomes very hectic. 

The child I care for is 5 months old and such a good baby.  He is very calm and self content, just as Noah was when he was an infant.  Noah, who has now reached the age of two, can rarely seem to stay in one spot for more than a second.  He is always on the go pushing his cars around and making noises.  So, I am fortunate enough to have two extremely well behaved children on my hands…yet I still seem to feel stressed at some points.  When one cries, the other cries…when I give attention to one, the other feels left out…and yet I have desired to have a second child of my own recently!  I am crazy!

So, the movie “Motherhood” helped me to realize that I am not the only person out there stressing over the small things like grocery shopping or planning a birthday party!  It is difficult to be a parent, homemaker, and a writer all at once!  I wake every morning at 5:30 to give myself enough time to get ready and leave the house by 6:30 AM.  It takes me 20 minutes to drive to work…usually get off around 4:30 PM and then once a week I tutor for two hours.  My second job is tutoring in English, Spanish, and Study Skills.  Then I also have to make sure I cook dinner for my family, manage to do all the shopping for staples, fit in a gym workout, and manage to be in bed by 9:00 PM so I have enough rest…notice I didn’t say anything about caring for little Noah!  He just gets tied into everything!  HAHA! 

Gratefully I have a wonderful fiancé who has a job that is also quite flexible and recently we have been able to switch days on who has Noah during the day.  Steven is still in school, so on the days he has an early class I take Noah with me to work, but on days where I can be home in time Steven keeps him at home.  This has started to give me a little bit of relax time throughout the day and I am finally reaching a balance point to where I can fit some writing in!  I had looked at my blog about a week ago and realized how long it had been since I wrote….so be ready for much more to come…AND if you get the chance watch “Motherhood” because it is a great depiction of how hectic life can become when you have so many things going on!

Lastly, if you get the chance, please add yourself as a follower on my page!  This will help me to know who my readers are!!!  THANKS!